1 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,760 Ah! HE GROANS 2 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:13,920 HE LAUGHS Whoo! 3 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,120 AIR HORN BLARES No! 4 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,680 SHE LAUGHS 5 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,640 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 6 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:40,480 'Hello! I'm still Greg Davies and this is still Taskmaster. Hope you're still watching. 7 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:44,000 There are just two episodes left for one member of this almighty cast 8 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:48,720 'to prove themselves worthy of guiltily fondling my gilded face. LAUGHTER 9 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:54,400 'These prospective champions have names and I'm about to shout them, so please welcome James Acaster! 10 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,680 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 11 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,160 Jessica Knappett! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 12 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,320 Kerry Godliman! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,800 Phil Wang! And Rhod Gilbert! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 14 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,600 And rudely rocking up next to me, 15 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:13,360 it's my quasi-quartermaster, little Alex Horne! 16 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 17 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:20,440 'You know I like you a lot. Yeah. So I've spent all of my money on a present for you. 18 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,680 Would you like your gift? Yes, please. 19 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:26,880 I've got you a horse-drawn carriage. AUDIENCE: Ooh! 20 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:32,720 'The trouble is, horses can't draw. Horses can't... LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 21 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,600 'Do you get it? I do. I do. Do you get it? I do get it. I think I should properly display this. 22 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,240 Perhaps you two gentleman would hold it up for me. 23 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:46,160 'Erm, would you guys come up. A horse-drawn carriage. Funny, isn't it? 24 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,320 LAUGHTER 25 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,040 APPLAUSE 26 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,760 'We should really move on to the prize task. Oh, I was gonna say that. Jinx! 27 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,000 LAUGHTER 28 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:05,320 'Today, right now, the prize category is the most surprisingly beautiful thing. 29 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:10,160 'Ah! Like our friendship, for example. Yeah. Whoever's thing... It's a bad example. 30 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:15,640 'Whoever's thing is decided to be the most surprisingly beautiful by you, my friend, will get five points, 31 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,520 'and at the end of the show, someone will go home with five surprisingly beautiful things. 32 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,280 OK. Good. Mm-hm. Rhod. 33 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,600 My surprisingly beautiful thing, the back story is, 34 00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:27,000 in 1992, I went travelling all around the world, Greg, 35 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:31,840 'and I saw all the sights, I saw the Taj Mahal, I saw the Blue Mountains of Australia, 36 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,840 the Gold Coast, Greg, and then I came home. 37 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:39,800 'And we were driving back to West Wales and we passed the industrial landscape of Port Talbot. 38 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,520 And it had an ethereal beauty at night 39 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,880 that was unsurpassed on my entire trip. 40 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,760 'There better be a hell of a punch line to this story. Well, look at the picture. 41 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:55,880 {\an8}Here we go. Oh, there we are. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 42 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,760 Oh, you bell-end! 43 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,000 LAUGHTER Phil Wang. 44 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,360 I saw the brief on most surprisingly beautiful thing 45 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:08,160 and so I got this jack-in-the-box. 46 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,520 I'm actually gonna show you a little video this time, Greg. 47 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,640 TOY PLAYS POP GOES THE WEASEL 48 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,560 LAUGHTER 49 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,880 APPLAUSE 50 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,800 It's the late Grace Kelly of Monaco, 51 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:30,200 universally considered one of the most beautiful women in history, 52 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,280 'but she's come out of a jack-in-a-box. LAUGHTER 53 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:37,000 I mean, I actually think technically it's quite good. 54 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:41,560 'And yet... And yet... ..I feel empty inside. Yeah. LAUGHTER 55 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:46,600 Jessica. What is your feeling on sand? 56 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,560 LAUGHTER 57 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:53,160 I despise it. I go on exclusively pebble or shale beaches. 58 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,800 As we've seen in the picture. LAUGHTER 59 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,960 APPLAUSE 60 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:04,120 So, it may surprise you to learn, 61 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:08,520 when you take a closer look under a microscope, 62 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,240 it is surprisingly... 63 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,120 beautiful. 64 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,920 LAUGHTER 65 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,920 Is it all sand, that, if you put it under a microscope? 66 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,320 Or will some sand just be irritating bits? 67 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,520 It'll all look like that. Yeah. OK. James. 68 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:31,440 For my birthday one year, my friend Sam drew a picture of me, 69 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,760 and it was so surprisingly beautiful 70 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,760 that I framed it and I put it up in my own bedroom. 71 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,480 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 72 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,000 So, some things that are off-putting, off the top of my head, 73 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,560 I've got witch's tits and two dicks. LAUGHTER 74 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:54,400 Now... the whole thing shouldn't work, and yet, it works! 75 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,880 It's funny how a work of art can make you realise things 76 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,800 about the actual person you hadn't realised before. 77 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,920 And you do, indeed, have the face of an old lady. 78 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,000 LAUGHTER Yeah. Kerry. 79 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,720 My thing is art 80 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,160 made from a placenta. 81 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,120 GROANING AND LAUGHTER 82 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:19,160 'JESS LAUGHS It's like a tree. It's sort of about life. 83 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:24,000 And who could've seen that it came out of a bunch of flesh and veins? 84 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,520 What a surprise! LAUGHTER 85 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:31,640 'Well, I am surprised by the fact that the reality of a picture of a placenta 86 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:36,680 'is actually worse than what I had in my mind. Because what I had in my mind was already disgusting. 87 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,760 Ready to judge them? Yeah. Well, he can have one point for a start. 88 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:43,200 'Oh, no, come on! You've had your money's worth out of that picture, you prick! 89 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,200 LAUGHTER 90 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,720 'I felt like there was stuff coming into my mouth during yours, Kerry. You can have two points.OK. 91 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:55,040 'James, you know, it's not beautiful, but I'm vaguely intrigued by the whole two dick thing. 92 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,880 You can have three points. So Phil's got a chance of winning. 93 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,800 I think he's got me on a technicality. 94 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:03,960 It has all the elements of a surprisingly beautiful thing. 95 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,040 I think it's rubbish, and I think it's a hollow victory, 96 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,440 but you just brought a pile of sand in 97 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,640 and then tried some sort of microscope bullshit on us. 98 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,520 So, against all odds, five points to Phil Wang. 99 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:19,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 100 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:23,440 'Let's get going. Proper tasks. Yes. OK, then. And as a little tribute to your number one hobby, 101 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:28,280 this task involves counting money. Ready? Mm-mm! 102 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,080 Hi, Phil. 103 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,680 LAUGHTER Swear box. 104 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,080 That can fuck off for a start. LAUGHTER 105 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:54,000 'That's a red rag to a bull, that is, to me, a swear box. Pissing little slotty red shit. 106 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:58,200 Put the most money in the small bowl. 107 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,600 You may not touch the small bowl. 108 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,440 The small bowl must not sink. 109 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:10,720 Also, you must say your own name at least once every 30 seconds. 110 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,560 With pleasure. 111 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,480 You have five minutes. 112 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:21,240 'The money in the small bowl with the highest total numerical value wins. 113 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,120 Your time starts now. 114 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,640 APPLAUSE 115 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,800 Pretty straightforward, then, Alex. Coins into the bowl. 116 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,240 They must not touch the little bowl. They mustn't touch the little bowl. 117 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:38,160 'You must not touch the little bowl. The little bowl must not sink. Ooh! LAUGHTER 118 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,400 It's the highest numerical value. Right. OK? 119 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:45,800 'So a 50p piece is worth 50. A £1 coin is worth one. Yes. Alright? Got it. 120 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:50,800 'We're gonna start with either end of the panel. Sweary Rhod and wary James. Here we go. 121 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,000 God, how do get into a fucking swear box? 122 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,600 25. 123 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:02,120 'So a 50 is worth 50 and a £1 is worth one. They're all foreign coins. I get you. Yeah. 124 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,480 Ten. Ten. 125 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,240 Er, 50. Right. OK. 126 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,880 Five. 25. Er, Rhod Gilbert. 127 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,040 James Acaster. 128 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:15,920 20. Is there anything bigger than 20? What have we got there? 100! 129 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,000 100 escudos. James Acaster. 130 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,600 Ooh! Ooh! Ohh! 131 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:27,000 James Acaster. Rhod Gilbert. 100! 132 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,360 Ho-ho-ho! 50! Ho-ho-ho! 133 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,480 That's gonna go under if I put another one in. 134 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,160 20. Oh. 135 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,120 Don't you dare! 136 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:42,400 'Am I allowed to touch it? No. There's no touching the small bowl. Hang on. I can touch the big bowl. 137 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,760 No! Agh! LAUGHTER 138 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,280 How long have I got? Oh, fucking hell! 139 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,880 LAUGHTER 140 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,240 APPLAUSE 141 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:02,520 'I mean, it sums up how I did on the task, doesn't it? A dead face in a bowl. 142 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,960 LAUGHTER 143 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:17,680 Oh, shit! Rhod Gilbert. Done! WHISTLE BLOWS 144 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:21,840 'HE SIGHS God, I almost went wrong in so many different ways. 145 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,080 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 146 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,520 'Explain yourself. Two words, nervous breakdown. LAUGHTER 147 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,760 Simple as that. Every episode. Yeah. 148 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,440 And when you were scooping things out... Mm. Something delicate? 149 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:40,040 'Something delicate. "Oh, I've got a delicate situation here, involving a little bowl with water." 150 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,760 'What do you reach for? A skull! Skull! LAUGHTER 151 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:47,320 The skull has holes in it for the eyes and jawbones. 152 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,040 I thought, "That'll drain it as it's coming out." 153 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:52,920 However, I neglected to notice that the skull 154 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,920 'was slightly bigger than the bowl opening. LAUGHTER 155 00:09:55,960 --> 00:10:00,520 'Do you wanna move on? Yeah, I do, because somebody must have done that better. 156 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:04,760 'Now, for those people who want to see Phil and Jess together, it's Jess and Phil. 157 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,200 Here we go. Ready? Yes. 158 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,640 Ah! 50. 159 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,080 100 colones. 160 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,280 Phil Wang! Throwing in the coins! 161 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,640 Is there a penalty for saying my name too many times? No, no. 162 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:26,640 Oh, Phil Wang. Philly Wang. Phil. Phil Wang. Philip Wang. 163 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,960 Oh, hundreds. 20. 164 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,720 Oi! Oi! No! No! Ahh! AUDIENCE GROAN 165 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,920 Oh, man! 166 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,240 Ten. Ten. Ten. 167 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,760 LAUGHTER 168 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,880 It's not the time that's... 169 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,800 WHISTLE BLOWS 170 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,800 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 171 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,200 Shit! LAUGHTER 172 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:14,280 'APPLAUSE I have been genuinely traumatised by the sight of Phil's genitals... 173 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,320 LAUGHTER ..in that costume. 174 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:21,720 'And I thought I'd sort of got used to them, until I saw them magnified through a goldfish bowl. 175 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,760 LAUGHTER 176 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:29,280 Surprisingly beautiful, I thought. LAUGHTER 177 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:34,000 'But what intrigued me is both of you seemed genuinely shocked when the bowl did sink. 178 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:38,720 'I'm an optimist. I don't know what to say. It looked well designed to withstand the load. 179 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,280 'Erm... Yeah. LAUGHTER But I gave it too much load. 180 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,640 I... LAUGHTER 181 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:48,120 'Phil is a trained engineer, that's why he's using all this technical terminology. 182 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,600 LAUGHTER OK. Now, stop. Just stop. Breathe. 183 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:57,280 Take a break. Come back when you've all calmed down. Go! 184 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 185 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,680 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 186 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:08,760 Hello. It's Taskmaster and it's the start of part two. 187 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,280 'So you know what that means. It means that Alex gets to make his special noise. 188 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,880 Hurrrr! 189 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:16,800 'LAUGHTER Now, what was happening before the break? 190 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,040 It was the money bowl task. You know the one. 191 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:23,120 'There's a bowl in a fish bowl. They put as much money in the little bowl without it sinking. 192 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,160 Oh, and so far, everyone has failed. 193 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:29,160 But there's one person left, one ray of hope, one Kerry Godliman. 194 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:34,160 Ten. 20. Kerry Godliman. 195 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,360 30. 40. 196 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,880 50. 60. Kerry Godliman. 197 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,840 110. 100! 198 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,800 210. Kerry Godliman. 199 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,080 I'm gonna go for loads of these little friends. 200 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:52,120 Kerry Godliman. Kerry Godliman. 201 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,760 AUDIENCE: Ohhh! Missed the bowl there. 202 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,480 Is it worth getting? I think it is. 203 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,520 I think it's worth getting it. It's a really light one and it's... 204 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:03,040 SHE GASPS OK, I'm stopping. Kerry Godliman. 205 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,400 'Well, we're gonna have to wait two and a half minutes to see if that sinks. 206 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,840 LAUGHTER Oh, really? 207 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,080 It's not gonna sink. Staring at it is not changing anything. 208 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,720 'Putting any more money in? Well, no, because then it will sink. Right. I see. 209 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,240 Kerry Godliman. Kerry Godliman. 210 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,720 Five seconds left, Kerry Godliman. Kerry Godliman. Five seconds. 211 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,040 Kerry Godliman. Four. Kerry Godliman. Two. 212 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,200 Kerry Godliman. One. 213 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,240 'WHISTLE BLOWS Thank you, Kerry. OK. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 214 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,720 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 215 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,840 It's the Kerry Godliman system. It's the most obvious route. 216 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,480 'It's direct... Yes. ..and it gets the job done. Absolutely. Bosh! Bosh! 217 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:44,240 In many ways, you are the Grand Master of this show. 218 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:49,440 'Wow! Well, that's praise indeed. Yeah. Because you don't think. LAUGHTER 219 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:53,560 I do think! That's not a fluke, that's brains, mate! 220 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,040 Yeah. Your system works. And I'm complimenting you. Thank you. 221 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:02,960 'Do you have compliments for the rest of us? LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 222 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,560 'Not for you, skull boy. LAUGHTER Do you wanna score it? 223 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,680 Five points for the bosh queen, Kerry Godliman. OK. Five to Kerry. 224 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,600 Everyone else? Zero. Oh, what? 225 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:18,120 'Kerry Godliman wins the task. Five, nil, nil, nil, nil. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 226 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,560 'What are the scores? Kerry's in the lead at the moment with seven points. 227 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:26,040 'CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Look, I wanna give out some more points. Let's have some more tasks. 228 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:32,000 'OK, then. Here's a confusing one for you that will mean different things to different people. 229 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,000 Hello. Hello. 230 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,400 Fez. 231 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,680 Ooh! A fez! 232 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:02,960 'What the fez? A little joke to start us off. No, I liked it. Jot that down. I was laughing. 233 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,320 'Quite close. Fez is quite close to what the... Yeah, no, I got it. Yeah? 234 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:11,760 Be photographed in the most unusual situation wearing this fez. 235 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:18,320 'You have eight weeks! LAUGHTER Your time starts now. 236 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,880 I didn't know that they were soft. I thought they were hard. 237 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:25,280 Like a flower pot? Yeah. Yeah. I did think they were like a flower pot. 238 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:29,880 'And I take the fez. I need the fez. That's your fez, now. It's key, isn't it, the fez? 239 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,920 See you soon. Goodbye, Kerry. Bye-bye. 240 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,440 Hi, Alex. Oh, hello, Phil. 241 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,640 Hello, James. 242 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,760 LAUGHTER Hula. 243 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:52,040 Hula. You have one minute. Your time starts now. 244 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,320 APPLAUSE 245 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:59,440 'What? A split task. Yes. We divided them up. We've got the children and the grownups. 246 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:05,280 'LAUGHTER Shall we start with Jess's fez adventure? Yeah. Yes. 247 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:10,240 I'm wearing a fez in... the cockpit of an aeroplane! 248 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:15,840 'With a pilot, genuinely, who when I asked to go into the cockpit, 249 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:20,120 he went, "Oh, that's weird, my name is Fez." 250 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:25,800 'It is completely true. We see his name badge is Andrew Ferrington. Andy Ferrington. Andy Ferrington! 251 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:32,040 'AKA, Fez. Well, I think it's not a bad attempt to have a picture with you and Andy Ferrington. 252 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:37,200 'LAUGHTER I invited Fez down. No-one has called that man Fez in his life. 253 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:42,040 Fez! Yep! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 254 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,920 Thank you! APPLAUSE 255 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:50,120 'Would you like to see Kerry's fez picture? Yes, I want to see Kerry's fez picture. 256 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:55,120 I went back in time. AUDIENCE: Ooh! 257 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,400 I did. I found a portal 258 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:01,560 and I went back to oldy worldy times. 259 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,720 LAUGHTER Tudory times. 260 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,480 LAUGHTER Wow! 261 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:12,000 That's me in the past. 262 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:18,000 'I'm not a historian, Kerry, but does Tudory times cover a very specific period? 263 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,640 'I wasn't asked about that. I was just asked to have my picture taken in a fez in an unusual situation. 264 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,440 So I fulfilled my brief. Bosh! 265 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,600 LAUGHTER 266 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,880 APPLAUSE 267 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:36,920 Rhodri? Yeah. I think you'll agree this is an unusual situation. 268 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,840 LAUGHTER 269 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,000 Ohhh! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 270 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,080 Oh-ho! 271 00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:50,000 'I haven't looked round yet, but if this is a fez superimposed on top of a picture of me looking fat... 272 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:55,120 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 273 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:09,560 Oh, Jesus Christ! You traitorous old woman! 274 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,360 LAUGHTER 275 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,760 Who is that, Greg? 276 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,640 As you well know, it's my mother. LAUGHTER 277 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,280 And she's here tonight! She is. 278 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,200 Oh! LAUGHTER 279 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,840 As it's an unusual task, the maximum point is three. 280 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:30,640 'I mean, the truth is, we've gotta stick to the rules. Yep. Rhod's not wearing the fez. 281 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,160 'Are you gonna give him any points? I'll give him one point because I love my mum. 282 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:39,280 'AUDIENCE: Aww! I would give Kerry more, but something tells me she hasn't been back in time. 283 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,960 There's inaccuracies in that picture that says that she actually went 284 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,400 to a company who do pictures for people on bad stag dos. 285 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,200 I went back in time. I'll give her two points. Two to Kerry. 286 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:56,400 'And I'm gonna give Jess three points, purely because Fez is a legend. 287 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,560 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Yeah! 288 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,120 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Fezzie! 289 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:02,880 Are you ready for the hula-hoopers? Am I! 290 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,320 So, they were told to hula for one minute. This is what they did. 291 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,880 I've never been able to hula-hoop. 292 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,520 Oh, that's alright. That's OK, that. 293 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,280 Ow! Hurts! Hurts! 294 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,200 I've never done this before. This is a first. 295 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:34,600 LAUGHTER 296 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,280 WHISTLE BLOWS Thank you. 297 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,360 Improve your hulaing. Greatest improvement wins. 298 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,800 You have until the studio shows. Your time starts now. 299 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 300 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,400 'I don't know if anyone else found that as traumatic as I did. LAUGHTER 301 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:08,280 I could not take my eyes off it. You didn't have a choice. 302 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,440 It doesn't matter sometimes how ornate the grandfather clock is, 303 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,320 the pendulum draws the eye. LAUGHTER 304 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:19,360 'Are we basically saying that James has got to do more than six seconds to win this task? 305 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:23,560 Well, it depends how many more seconds than 57 Wang does. 306 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,600 It's who improves the most. 307 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,760 Let's see how they do right now. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 308 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,840 AUDIENCE: Oooh! 309 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,360 Ooh! You can have one attempt at this. 310 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,000 When I blow my whistle, please start hulaing. 311 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,400 Greatest improvement wins. WHISTLE BLOWS 312 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,080 Hula! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 313 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,120 WHISTLE BLOWS 314 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,200 WHISTLE BLOWS Oh, fuck! 315 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,240 I've been practising so much! 316 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,400 I've been practising so much. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 317 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:01,320 'I'm really good now. I am really good. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 318 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:06,880 I got nervous. I got nervous. I'm really good now. 319 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,640 I'm really good. 320 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,760 I mean, it is impressive, isn't it? 321 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,560 It's such a shame we've gotta take his first attempt. 322 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,600 LAUGHTER 323 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:20,200 'You could just take his second attempt, I would suggest. Which was spectacular. 324 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,000 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 325 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:27,320 Them's the rules, I'm afraid. So, from the start of the spinning... 326 00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:31,120 Yep. ..Phil, one and a half seconds. LAUGHTER 327 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,040 APPLAUSE 328 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,600 James Acaster... Yep? ..five seconds. 329 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:42,080 'Oh, my God! And it's greatest improvement. A maximum of three points again. 330 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,320 It's completely up to you, Greg. Oh, God! 331 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:49,680 I don't think Phil Wang has practised hula-hooping once. 332 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,440 'LAUGHTER But I'm gonna give him one point regardless. 333 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:57,080 'I am going to deem it that James Acaster has made the most improvement, 334 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,600 but I can't give him full marks, so I'm going to give him two marks. 335 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:05,280 There. It's done. Two points to James Acaster! Ready, Alex? Always. 336 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,720 One, two, three... BOTH: Break. 337 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 338 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,960 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 339 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,320 Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster. 340 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,960 Right, little Alex Horne, I for one would like another task. 341 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,160 'And I for one would like to give you one. LAUGHTER 342 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,200 Hello, Rhod. Done a wash? These are all Greg's socks. 343 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,360 Find the sock with a satsuma inside. 344 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,520 You may not look inside any of the socks. 345 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,200 You may squeeze five socks... 346 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:58,040 Stroke ten socks and sniff 20 socks. My rules every day, anyway. 347 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,880 Ohh! So many things. 348 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,600 You may put your hand inside three socks. 349 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,080 You may put 11 socks on your feet. 350 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:11,240 Fastest wins. Your time starts now. 351 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,960 APPLAUSE 352 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,360 Erm, I'm a little bit irritated. 353 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:21,040 Someone appears to have graffitied on the side of my caravan. 354 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,680 'That was awkward. So, I obviously put the satsuma in the eighth one along, 355 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,600 the big 8 was to remind me that's the one it was, but I left it up. 356 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,400 LAUGHTER 357 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:35,840 'If any of them had looked back at any point, that would've been so annoying. They would've seen. 358 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,200 He's angry about the hulaing. You're not angry about that, are you? 359 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:43,840 'Oh, no, I calmed down about that, then Jess pointed that out, and now I remember that I hate this show. 360 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,720 LAUGHTER 361 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,920 The first satsuma hunters we're gonna see are Rhod, James and... 362 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,040 sorry, aren't Rhod, James and Kerry. 363 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,600 Here's Jess and Phil! LAUGHTER 364 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,960 It doesn't say you can't look in it. Are you sure? What's the first line? 365 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,960 'You may not look inside any of the socks. LAUGHTER 366 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:05,760 You have no more strikes. No more strikes. 367 00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:10,040 Urgh. I think this one's been worn. They've all been worn. 368 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,160 Oh, have they? They're Greg's socks. 369 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,760 Ohhh. 370 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,880 LAUGHTER Yes! Yes! 371 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,160 Not satsuma! 372 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,880 Could be. 373 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,600 Still no. 374 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,520 Could be a satsuma. 375 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,560 I can put them on my feet now. 376 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,600 Guys! What is it? 377 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,160 That's a bloody egg! LAUGHTER 378 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,320 Cos... Agh. My foot's become so cold, I can't actually feel it. 379 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,400 Ohhh! 380 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,880 That's a satsuma. 381 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,360 Bingo. 382 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:04,040 Ohhh! I think this is a satsuma. 383 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,880 What have you found? 384 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,760 A lime! LAUGHTER 385 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:15,760 HE SIGHS Oh, God. Unlucky, Phil. 386 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,240 APPLAUSE 387 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,880 Has anyone in cinema history been so... 388 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,280 'LAUGHTER ..passionate about tossing a lime into the air? 389 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,920 Lime! LAUGHTER 390 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,960 I got citrus. That's as close as I got. 391 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,760 You largely were listening for the fruit. 392 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,840 'LAUGHTER You did use your foot in the end because you said, 393 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,080 "The foot is just the hand of the leg." 394 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,960 LAUGHTER 395 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,800 Oh, that's poetic. Jesus Christ! LAUGHTER 396 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,400 21 minutes and 10 seconds to find a lime. A what? 397 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,640 A lime! LAUGHTER 398 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,040 I mean, was there only one egg in the socks? 399 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,400 'No! Oh, yes. There was one egg in 50 socks. She found that with her foot. LAUGHTER 400 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,640 You sniffed it out with your leg hand, though, didn't you? Yeah! 401 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,360 It was quite difficult to find that it was a satsuma 402 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,680 with your leg hand, 403 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:10,880 cos I'd never rolled a satsuma onto my leg hand before. 404 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,360 I feel like I've been popping pills. LAUGHTER 405 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,760 Have you ever rolled a satsuma onto your leg hand before? 406 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,200 LAUGHTER 407 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,720 She took 16 minutes and 56 seconds, 408 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,480 but succeeded, so she is currently in the lead. OK, good. 409 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 410 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,480 Next up, it's James and Kerry. 411 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:34,800 'How many socks are there? Great question. There's a lot, aren't there? Oh, God. 412 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:36,760 It's not this one. How do you know? 413 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,880 That does not look like a satsuma to me. OK. 414 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,800 Get in the bath. 415 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,320 That is a tennis ball. Not that one, that's a tennis ball. 416 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,160 Oh-ho! That's a goddamn snooker ball! 417 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,920 That wasn't a satsuma. 418 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,960 That wasn't a satsuma. 419 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,840 That could've been a satsuma. LAUGHTER 420 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:03,320 This is a tennis ball. This is a tennis ball. This is a tennis ball. 421 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:09,360 'You've got 19 sniffs left. I never thought anyone would say that to me in my whole life. 422 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,400 LAUGHTER Not that one. 423 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,400 This is demeaning. 424 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,760 That's not a satsuma. I swear to God. This isn't one. 425 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,160 Suck it. I think it's a satsuma. 426 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,920 Well done, Kerry. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 427 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:31,440 Nice to add to your vast collection of catchphrases during that task. 428 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,160 "This is demeaning." That'll really catch on. "Get in the bath." 429 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,240 "Suck it" is one we've seen before. Yeah. But I always enjoy it. 430 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,440 Also, with the satsuma, works on two levels. 431 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,720 'LAUGHTER James seemed fairly impressive to me. 432 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:48,040 He took the same amount of time it takes me to wake you up with kisses, 433 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,680 9 minutes and 34 seconds. 434 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Not bad. 435 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,520 Erm, Kerry, I think I've been a bit mean about your approach to tasks. 436 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,600 I thought that seemed very sophisticated. 437 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,840 'LAUGHTER And then, when you'd ruled out certain things, 438 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,640 got the old tennis racket, bosh! LAUGHTER 439 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,160 Which is brilliant because they hurt their hands. I didn't. 440 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,520 'I will say, also, both of them used their eyes, which is more than Phil did. 441 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,520 'Yeah, interesting. LAUGHTER They looked at the socks. 442 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,640 Interesting. Why not listen for the fruit? 443 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,560 LAUGHTER 444 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:25,240 The eyes of the side of the head. LAUGHTER 445 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,120 APPLAUSE 446 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,520 You wanna know how Kerry did? 8 minutes 40. ALL: Oooh! 447 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,280 A minute quicker than James, so in the lead. One left to see. 448 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,480 'It's always scary when you leave Rhod till last. LAUGHTER 449 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,840 He does crazy shit. Yeah. LAUGHTER 450 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,760 Ready for Rhod? Yes, please. Here we go. 451 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,000 LAUGHTER 452 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:58,200 Cor! Somebody's done a job on this. 453 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,760 This isn't as easy as I thought. 454 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,360 This is... 455 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:11,320 'I was going for scissors, but as luck would have it, I found a tangerine in the kitchen. 456 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,200 You think this is the sock with the satsuma in? Yeah. 457 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,520 Yeah, I'm pretty sure, I just put a satsuma in it. 458 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:26,280 Can I check and see if you're... Yeah. There you go. 459 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:32,240 Yeah, it didn't say exclusively with a satsuma in it. 460 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,960 OK. Thank you. Thanks, Rhod. 461 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 462 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:43,960 Well, let's just establish the time that he found a satsuma in a sock. 463 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,560 2 minutes 31. Did he find a satsuma in a sock? 464 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,320 I would say he didn't find it. 465 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,560 Yeah. You've gotta lose something to find it. 466 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,080 'What if you put them on the side and forgot about them? Cos Rhod's the same age as me, 467 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,360 it's entirely feasible that he put that satsuma in the sock 468 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,960 and then forgot and then found it. LAUGHTER 469 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,200 'I was as surprised as anyone when it fell out. LAUGHTER 470 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,120 You can't put it in yourself. Come on. That's a proper... 471 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:13,880 'You've gotta admit, that was clever. Funny who you're prepared to bend for, isn't it, you fucking... 472 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:17,120 'LAUGHTER Do you know what? I can't believe this shit! 473 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,200 LAUGHTER 474 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,920 "Oh, oh, whatever, it was my friend." 475 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,280 LAUGHTER 476 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:28,440 Yeah! Ohh, I've never been accused of bias before. 477 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,600 Good for you! And you got two points for that hula-hoop bullshit. 478 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,280 Ohh! Ohh, and it felt so good. 479 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:39,680 'LAUGHTER Oh, please give me another two points for the hula-hoop! 480 00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,440 Give me eight weeks of my life back, how does that sound? 481 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,880 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 482 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,520 James, do you remember how I backed you on the hula-hoop thing? 483 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,120 I was right behind you. LAUGHTER 484 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:55,320 Yeah, well, now you can back into a satsuma and shove it up your arse. 485 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE This has taken a very nasty turn. 486 00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:03,760 'LAUGHTER So what I'm gonna say here is that no-one's won that. 487 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:07,560 'Because of all this? Because of all this shit. LAUGHTER 488 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:12,320 'Two joint seconds. Rhod and Kerry in joint second with four points. Indeed. 489 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:16,160 Then we go to James with three points. Yep. And Jess with two 490 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,640 and Phil with a... ALL: Lime! OK, there we go. 491 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,520 Rhod and Kerry come second! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 492 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,440 Score update, please. OK, very quickly, Phil in the series has 115. 493 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,560 He's still last, weirdly. 494 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,240 James, 140. Rhod, 150. 495 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:37,240 Kerry, 153. Jess still just in the lead with 155. 496 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:40,520 It's still tight. Oooh! Yeah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 497 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,960 This episode, it's not quite so tight. 498 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:48,040 'Phil and Rhod are joint last with six, but out in the lead, it's Kerry with 13! Yay! 499 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,040 Bosh! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 500 00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,680 Good. Can we squeeze in some more task excitement, Alex? 501 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:57,200 You can, but sadly, it's the final team task of the series. 502 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,360 Welcome. Thanks. Thanks. 503 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:16,000 'Looking forward to another task, we are. I think I can speak for all of us. Yeah, we are. 504 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,000 LAUGHTER 505 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:23,760 Oh, God. Oh, what's happening now? Shall I get that? 506 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,600 I... I can't condone that. That could've hurt somebody. 507 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,480 Achieve a rally of exactly 24 shots. 508 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,160 You must each take the same amount of shots. That's easy. 509 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:39,880 'You must be stood at least 6 foot 8 inches apart from one another. Oh, God! 510 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,320 The Taskmaster is 6 foot 8, presumably. 511 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:47,880 'The object struck may neither touch the ground nor be held at any point during the rally. 512 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,920 So it's tennis. We play tennis and have a rally. I can't play tennis. 513 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:56,360 'There is a bonus point for the team that uses the most ambitious equipment. 514 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,440 Fastest wins. Your time starts now! 515 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:03,920 Why would you rush "the time starts now"? I always delay it. Er... 516 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:08,360 'Do you? Yeah, I delay it to give myself some thinking time. I wish I'd known that. 517 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,720 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 518 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,160 Only mild irritation from James there 519 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,600 'in that some blood remained in his face. LAUGHTER 520 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:23,560 'Kerry just said to me, "Well, at least we didn't have Rhod." LAUGHTER 521 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,600 AUDIENCE: Awwww! 522 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,200 No, no, no! Don't pity him! You don't know. No! 523 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,600 'Do some team tasks with him and then see how you feel. LAUGHTER 524 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:37,600 'OK, do you wanna see the rally? Yeah, let's just get amongst it. I can't wait. Here are Kerry and Jess. 525 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,000 What should we use as rackets? 526 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,880 I think these trays are quite good. Trays are good. 527 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,520 We have to measure the 6 foot fucking 8. How tall are you? 528 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:51,640 '5 foot 2. So, half of you is two and a half. Half of me? KERRY LAUGHS 529 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,240 'You lie down. So we're having all of you and half of me. JESS LAUGHS 530 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:59,240 Yeah, but how are we measuring it? Here. Here's half of me. 531 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,680 One. That's too weird. 532 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:04,920 CLATTERING 533 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,200 LAUGHTER 534 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,120 I feel like this is ambitious. 535 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,880 It's stupid. It's not ambitious, it's stupid. 536 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:14,360 One. LAUGHTER 537 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,680 One. Two. Fuck. The sun's in my eyes! 538 00:34:17,720 --> 00:34:20,240 BOTH: One, two, three. Ohh. 539 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,280 Five. Ohh. 540 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:28,160 This is worse than the ukuleles. One. 541 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,160 LAUGHTER Oh, we've really blown this. 542 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,160 One. Two. Three. Four. 543 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,800 Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. 544 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,600 Ten. 11. 12. 545 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,640 13. 14. 15. 16. 546 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,520 17. 18. 19. 20. 547 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:50,000 21. 22. 23. 24. Yes! Leave it! Leave it! Yes! 548 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Can I go and have a lie down? Yes. 549 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:54,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 550 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:58,920 And this is the greatest opening to any sport. "One. Two. Fuck." 551 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,360 LAUGHTER 552 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,640 So, using balls and trays, they did it in 12 minutes and 49 seconds. 553 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,600 'Well, it's a starting point. Not a bad start. APPLAUSE 554 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:12,600 'Right, it's the final break of the show before the final part of the show. 555 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,520 I want you to stay exactly where you are, thank you! 556 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 557 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 558 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,480 Oh, hello! Welcome back to the last part of Taskmaster. 559 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:30,520 Not long to go until somebody legs it home with the placenta. 560 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,360 But first, Alex Horne. Hello, Greg. How are you? 561 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:37,520 'A rally, that's what they were trying to achieve. A rally of exactly 24 shots 562 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,040 with a bonus point for the most ambitious equipment used. 563 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,160 Here are the men having a go. 564 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:46,640 Is that correct? That? No, that's not. He's taller than that. 565 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,320 If we put a hat on him, it's probably about right, I reckon. 566 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,520 That's the man. Yeah. How tall are you? 6'1. 567 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,720 Right, you lie on it, then. Why is that still there? 568 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:59,320 'And put your feet where his are. Why am I lying down with a hat on? Hang on. 569 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:03,240 'It says fastest wins, and right now, I'm lying down with a top hat on. 570 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:07,600 'Kick it over the shed. Start with one of us blindfolded and then go from there. 571 00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,160 One! 572 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,320 'Oh, Phil! LAUGHTER Honestly. 573 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,440 'You've gone too ambitious. I've gone... APPLAUSE 574 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,040 I thought you wanted ambitious. You've gone too ambitious. 575 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,240 'We can just use the shed. It doesn't actually go anywhere near the ground. 576 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,960 OK. 577 00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:27,960 LAUGHTER That sounded bad. 578 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,880 Right, this is the one. One. Two. 579 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,960 Three. Four. Five. 580 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,000 Six. Seven. 581 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,600 Eight. Nine. Ten. 582 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,840 11. 12. Come on! 583 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:42,680 13. 584 00:36:42,720 --> 00:36:44,880 14. 15. 585 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,760 16. 17. James has gotta get one less. 586 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,920 18. 19. 20. 587 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,280 21. 22. 23. Give it back to me. 588 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:56,320 ALL: Yes! Stop the clock. Yes! Good times. 589 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 590 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:05,640 'If I could, I would award the bonus point for Phil's blindfold. LAUGHTER 591 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:09,360 'It's interesting that you spent so long trying to work out what 6 foot 8 was. 592 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,840 I wonder if that paid off in the long run, did it? 593 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,800 Well, the shed was 6 foot 6 wide. 594 00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,360 They also had to strike it exactly the same number of times. 595 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,920 'During the bit we just saw, you counted to 24 but you got to 27 in total. 596 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:27,800 'During the first 27, you hit it seven times, Phil eight, James nine. LAUGHTER 597 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,240 Also, you were seven minutes slower. LAUGHTER 598 00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,560 APPLAUSE 599 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,240 Another agonising decision for me. 600 00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,240 LAUGHTER 601 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,360 Jess and Kerry, pretty excellent. 602 00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,960 So five points each. OK. Well done. 603 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:47,280 But I think the bag of monkeys that is the boys' team, 604 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:51,680 'they did attempt something a bit more ambitious, so I'm gonna give them a point each. Let it be done. 605 00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:56,600 Five to the girls, one to the boys! APPLAUSE 606 00:37:56,640 --> 00:38:00,960 'Please can you all stay where the heck you are for the final task of the show. 607 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,440 ALL: Oooh. APPLAUSE 608 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:09,080 And as if by magic, something's appeared. 609 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:13,680 'What is going on here, Alex? Well, it's the studio task. Jess is gonna read it out. 610 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:19,880 Write your name and draw a picture of a happy horse 611 00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:25,120 on your overhead projector acetate upside down. 612 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,640 You must not rotate or manipulate your acetate. 613 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:31,520 You have 100 seconds. 614 00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:37,800 'Most accurate picture and writing when your acetate is overhead-projected wins. 615 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,920 'LAUGHTER Wow. It's a happy horse and your name. 616 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,960 You've gotta do it upside down, though. 617 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:47,720 'But when we project it, we want it to be projected the right way up as accurately as possible. 618 00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:51,120 'And please, I would ask the audience, cheer as if you're watching football 619 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,360 'because that will amuse me while they do this. LAUGHTER 620 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,480 WHISTLE BLOWS Let's do this, Alex! 621 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 622 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:04,720 He's copying. He's copying. 623 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 624 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,000 Oh, no! 625 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,440 AUDIENCE: Five! Four! Three! 626 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,400 Two! One! WHISTLE BLOWS 627 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:25,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 628 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,720 Feel the rush. LAUGHTER 629 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,280 'It's been a long time since I saw someone trying to copy someone else's work. 630 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,560 'LAUGHTER I thought, "Is this a trick, cos when you put them on there, 631 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,280 does it flick them upside down? So if we do them upside down..." 632 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:42,200 'Alex will talk you through that now. Remember, I'm putting it on upside down, 633 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:46,680 'so hopefully they did it upside down. Yep. And it will look the right way up. Correct. Here we go. 634 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:49,440 OK, this is Rhod's. How accurate... LAUGHTER 635 00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,240 {\an8}So, Rhod Gilbert is a huge success. 636 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,960 Mm-hm. I want to question whether that is a horse 637 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,560 and whether that horse is happy. 638 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,400 Yeah. Teeth, nose, eyes, eyelashes, ears, 639 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,600 legs out to the side, big tongue hanging out. 640 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:07,400 Ah, yeah, it's a happy horse. Tick! Who next? Phil Wang? 641 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:11,800 It says Phil... What's the... Oh, that's Chinese for Wang. 642 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:15,400 It's easier to draw upside down. Ohh! 643 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,040 Oooh! LAUGHTER 644 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:23,200 'Your horse is demonstrating his happiness with a big smile. That's nice. Kerry. 645 00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:27,200 LAUGHTER 646 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:31,720 You alright? That's my name in... 647 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,640 LAUGHTER ..gobbledegook. 648 00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,320 'I'm amazed I'm saying this. That's probably the best horse so far. Thank you. 649 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:42,120 'I presume it's a very thin horse, all of its legs one behind the other. 650 00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,520 LAUGHTER OK, here we go. Jessica Knappett. 651 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:49,400 LAUGHTER 652 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,960 'There's a fine line between happy and deranged, isn't there? LAUGHTER 653 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,480 Oh, I know! LAUGHTER 654 00:40:56,520 --> 00:41:00,760 He's so happy... She! LAUGHTER 655 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,400 She's so happy that she's dislocated her lower jaw. 656 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,440 LAUGHTER 657 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,080 OK. Last one. Ready for James Acaster's? 658 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,440 LAUGHTER 659 00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:16,040 Wow! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 660 00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:19,760 'He's been practising that for eight weeks! LAUGHTER 661 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:22,880 I mean, fair play to the boy. Can't fault it. Both names. 662 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:26,040 And that, man, that's a happy horse. LAUGHTER 663 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:29,000 Alex, take your seat. I'll make a quick decision. OK. 664 00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:31,640 LAUGHTER 665 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:37,120 'I thought that he did the name very well, but it was by far the worst horse in that it wasn't ahorse. 666 00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,840 It was a horse's face! How do you know it's you? 667 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:41,720 LAUGHTER 668 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,880 I'm giving Rhod two points. Two points to Rhod Gilbert. Yes, indeed. 669 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:49,440 Kerry's horse was an improvement on actual horses. 670 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,640 'SHE LAUGHS Why would they wanna have two of their legs side by side? 671 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,320 Stick them all in a big row. LAUGHTER 672 00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:59,040 I'd like to see that racing. She got her name entirely incorrectly, 673 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,520 but I'm going to give her three points. OK, three points. 674 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:05,360 Jessica and Phil, I'm grouping you together. 675 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,520 I got my name right. But my horse was really happy. 676 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,440 Yeah. LAUGHTER 677 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,520 I'm giving you four points. James, he got both of his names correct 678 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:19,480 'and it was the happiest and the best horse. James Acaster gets five points! 679 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,840 'CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Let's have a sting to get rid of the props 680 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:24,960 and then we'll find out the final scores! 681 00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,560 How was that, Alex? 682 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:31,320 It was very artistic and very satisfying. Wasn't it? 683 00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,640 Thanks to those scores, 684 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,800 'there was now just three points in it at the top of the series scoreboard. 685 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,960 THEY GASP AUDIENCE: Ooooh! 686 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:42,520 And in this episode, there's just 12 points... 687 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,920 'LAUGHTER This episode is not close. Rhod is at the bottom with nine, 688 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,600 but at the top with 21 points, it's Kerry Godliman! 689 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,960 Ohhhh! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 690 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,160 I get the placenta! SHE LAUGHS 691 00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:59,840 'Kerry Godliman is the winner! Please go and rejoice in your surprisingly beautiful winnings! 692 00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 693 00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:06,560 'So, what have we learnt today? We've learnt that if you're struggling to achieve something inlife, 694 00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:08,640 maybe it's time to think outside the box, 695 00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,840 use your foot, the hand of the leg, 696 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,560 or use your ear, the eye of the head. 697 00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:17,520 And if all fails, use A LIME! LAUGHTER 698 00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:20,160 And of course, we've learnt that Kerry Godliman won the show. 699 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:24,160 'Thank you for watching. Good night and see you next time for the grand final! 700 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 701 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:36,000 Subtitles by Red Bee Media